Monday, May 9, 2011

Why aren't there men like Christopher (BEAST) in real life?

Once upon a time there was a man named Harry. He was like...6'5", 400 lbs with a huge tumor on his head that continued to grow until it looked like a baby elephant snout. He smelled and sometimes his pants wouldn't be completely zipped because his zipper had busted out long ago. Harry was mean and kind of an asshole. He was the kind of stinky man that didn't care what others thought...even when it was summer time and he was 'ripe' and he hadn't bathed in weeks...perhaps months. Once, Harry even had phone sex in his cubicle across from mine. (Yes, I was very unlucky to have to sit across from stinky Harry--especially in the summer).I heard him whispering, 'what are you wearing?' I was like...oh my god...

Then there was a lady named Neko who was half Japanese and half black. Neko was very beautiful. She was six feet tall and could have been a model with her rail thin body and perfect face. Well Neko was new to the work group and she and Harry became best friends. At lunch she would be the only one to sit next to Harry...she would even bring him food. Harry stopped being an asshole.

I watched Neko and Harry. I used to avoid Harry like everyone else. When I saw how Neko could be friends with him I became ashamed of myself. I began to go up to Harry and ask him questions--because Harry was also the most knowledgeable person in our workgroup. He knew EVERYTHING. I began to bring him food too. Once I bought him half a pumpkin pie and a can of whipped cream. His eyes glazed. I had a new friend for life.

One day Harry got fired. It was inevitable. He used to steal people's food out of the refrigerator and he was found sleeping half naked on the floor of the office after hours. Also sometimes his pants would fall down and his 'winky' would show since he went commando.

By this time...guess what? Everybody loved Harry. Want to know why? Because once we took the time to get to know him we found that he was a good guy. You see Harry was lonely and had a girlfriend. We'll call her Golddigger; Goldie for short. Goldie lived in a different town and sometimes she would call in through the toll free number to speak to him. Goldie took all of Harry's money--every bit of it. He couldn't pay his rent, got evicted and ended up staying in the office after hours; hence stealing food, and smelling bad.

So, back to the question; Why aren't there men like Christopher in real life.

Guess what? There are. Their names are Harry, and Mike and Joe. Here is another question; are you willing to step up to the plate and be friends with someone like that?

How much does physical appearance matter to you? Don't get me wrong, we are all drawn to things that are aesthetically pleasing. Yes, I get giddy at the sight of muscular abs and nice sexy arms. But when it comes time to select a love interest, looks are very very low on the totem pole for me.

Don't take that to mean that I've lowered my standards. They are actually pretty high. But I know that looks fade or they transform into something totally brand new once you get to know a person. The prettiest person can become ugly if they are ugly on the inside...and vice versa.

Personally, I find beauty in the strangest things. Harry never appealed to me on a romantic basis--but I found a good friend in him.

My point is this; if you take the time to get to know someone that might not initially appeal to you--not even with the intent of falling in love...I'm talking just opening yourself up to meeting and being friendly with ALL people, then you might be surprised at who truly turns out to be beautiful to you.

Does it make you shallow if you bypass that person; the one that wasn't the most handsome or the most popular? I don't think that makes you shallow at all. I think it makes you ordinary; it makes you like everybody else.Challenge yourself to be more than ordinary.


  1. Pepper, I love your stories and follow your blog almost every day and this is the first time that I want to comment on what you said because it is so true. I remember my mother telling me that some day someone would fall in love me with me as she knew that I wasn't the beauty that society has deemed proper. She didn't say it to be mean but as this is reality and "normal" people have to fight the prettier fish in the sea. Growing up being called ugly and then maturing into the woman I have become is hard but it helped me develop thick skin and read people better. Some of the most funniest interesting people that I have met are not "beauties" and I love hanging out with them. Some of the most beautiful people that I have met spew the most hateful verbal vomit ever and I think because you look that way means you can demean people around you?? It is truly amazing the electic personalities out there are not encompassed in beautiful people but what I deem as the normal people who realize that there is more to outside.
    Sorry to get all sappy but I truly believe that what you said is true as I have gone through that myself.

  2. @Anonymous,
    so happy that I wrote something that inspired you to comment. What you wrote was wonderful, not sappy at all. Thank you

  3. you are spot on Pep! sadly looks is whatit's all about for most these days. together with the forced anorexia look they force upon our children together with the must have gadgetry. it's sickening sometimes. and what do most parents do? give in because they don't want their kids feel left out. i am fighting that urge as much as i can, my kids already have their own troubles to battle with and they're only 9 and almost 12.
    thinking of the madonna song "material girl" well it's a material world out there, one, despite the going forward, isn't such an appealing one where the only things that count are beauty and your bank balance :(

  4. Whatever happpened to Harry?

  5. @Anonymous,

    About two years after Harry was fired I was leaving the Credit Union and I smelled this unbelievable stench. As I was walking down the corridor I said, 'damn, that smells just like Harry.'

    I backtracked and sure enough, he was in the office. He was alone...I think the lady that worked there had to leave and take a quick breather. I, having worked with him for several years, had grown accustomed to his funk.

    I asked him how he was doing and he told me that he wasn't doing very good. He didn't have a job. He was still big as ever so evidently he was finding something to eat. He was cashing in 12K worth of savings bonds.

    We talked for about 5 minutes but I had to get back to work. Funny thing is, when others saw me in the office talking and laughing with him in a normal way they came back in. People are afraid of him because he's so big and the sight of the tumor and his smell doesn't help. But he's funny as shit and had me laughing despite his dilemma.

    That was the last I've heard of him and that was 5 or six years ago. He was late forties early fifties so I'm assuming he's been living with parents. But unfortunately with him being so 'contrary' I'm assuming that he isn't employable.

    Contrary, just meaning when the manager would say, 'Harry your zipper is down, people have complained.' Harry would say in a real excited way, 'Well...what am I supposed to do about it? I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good pair of pants just because the zipper is busted!!'

    That's Harry for you.

  6. I just wanted to say WOW. First I love All your stories and now you write this.
    For 5 years I have been with the love of my life. However when I first met him he was so far from what I wanted in my life. Yes he was smart, funny, a great cook great listener and the best lover I had ever had. But all I saw at the time was a heavy set man in a wheelchair. Yes he was put there because he shot while fighting his mother’s mugger. But I was still all about the guys that had the nice cars, and dressed like they just came from the ones high-end stores at the mall, or look like that John Cena in a nutshell. Not the southern boy that had the 1995 Honda civic and shopped at Wal-Mart. The sad thing is it took me 5 months to say yes to A date with him. But only took 3 weeks of dating for me to not only fall in love with him (he says he loved me from day one) but look past his chair and weight class. If I didn’t …. Well I would have missed out on the great’s man and father (we have a 2 year old) I have ever met in my life.

  7. Not sure why this made me cry. I think because I just realized I was just "ordinary." Not a good look.

    Thanks, Pep


  8. i don't want to just be ordinary! thank you

  9. When you make the decision to be more than just ordinary, someone will see and they will 'pay it forward'. Seriously, it's contagious.

    Andy LadyeT, thank you for sharing.

  10. This was absolutely beautiful. I always said "I don't like the pretty boys"hahaha... it's so true do. I mean, not that pretty boys aren't good to look at, but there's more to a person than "looking good". -- Just wanted to say that I basically agree 100%!

  11. People often judge me on my looks. Some people expect me to act and talk a certain way because of the way I look. When I start to speak people are sometimes shocked because I don't sound how they assumed I would.

    It hurt me when people made snap judgements about me when they didn't even know me, but I realized that I was doing the same thing. I was judging people based on my opinions and their looks and I knew if I was hurt by it then some of them had to be hurt as well.

    I'm glad you told us about Harry, more people need to hear that

  12. I've had that happen to me too, Mo. I've had white guys tell me that I am the whitest black woman they've ever met. I thought it was kind of racist. I'm articulate, own my own home, my own car...and that makes me white?

  13. I get called an oreo by black men. They say I'm black on the outside but white on the inside. I get so angry.

  14. *Nods*
    I got called that too, Mo, when I was younger.

  15. Pepper, this was very sweet, and for the most part, true for me also.

    But I just feel like...if you reduse to bathe, and you steal my food, we can never be friends.


  16. @Pepper and Mo...I have the same issue. I have a friend and the first time I talked to him was online. Well a few months passed and he finally called me. My ringback was Arab Money..which is more of an inside joke for me and some other friends. And then I said hello and one of the first words out of his mouth were something along the lines of, "For a black girl and your music, you sure do sound white."

    It's something I don't even let bother me. I know he didn't mean to be rude. But I too used to get angry when people asked me why I talked the way I did. I even had a guy tell me he could tell I was married to a white guy because of the way I talked.

    As if I enunciate my words and use proper grammar only because I married a white man. I've been called Oreo...I even had a friend call me Susanne..because that to her was the whitest name she could think of.

    I eventually told them I didn't like it and they stopped, but for awhile no one knew it bothered me. And so for the past few weeks I have been trying to break the mold and be extraordinary. Your story just lets me know that I'm headed on the right path.

    Sorry this was so

  17. @Marissa,
    I think most people would say what you said. Most wouldn't want to be around a huge, scary looking funky man. Most...that is a truly big word. What is left behind is a handful of people who have chosen to see beyond that.

    When I write these stories I'm looking in to a world that most of us don't want to look in. Of course Harry is an extreme case. And no...I won't be writing a story about anyone like Harry :)

    :) even white people have said I talk white. I once went up to my boss and said that I needed to take a sabbatical. She said, 'What? Um...ok.' She later confessed to looking it up in the dictionary.

  18. I have the opposite problem. I judge the beautiful people poorly. I grew up on the outskirts of the upper middle class beautiful people, as the stepdaughter of a wealthy farming family who started my life raised by a very poor single mother. I have to say also I feel awkward around many people which would typically be considered mainstream. It's a shortcoming that I think they are all judging me and finding me lacking in some way. It wasn't until I moved across the country and had to start completely over and not live in my little bubble of friends and family that I discovered I am really liked by "normal" people. Oh and those normal people are essentially the same as my eclectic group of non-normal friends. Of course now I have an even broader scope of eclectic friends because I am not judgmental on anyone even that which I feel is normal.

  19. I too feel your pain ladies. I haven't really been called an 'Oreo': a 'Bounty'(British candy with chocolate on the outside and coconut on the inside), blonde or a Coconut (I don't think I need to explain that one), very often, but it has happened before. After reading through your messages I wanted to ask you all a question - do we talk/write like a white person or like a person who likes to read? I would argue that If you like to read, and you read a lot and read different genres it starts to organise your mind in a certain way. It also opens you up to the beauty of the English language and all of the words available for you to use, so you use then.

    Is it a white thing or just a well-read thing?

    Just a question for you to ponder...

  20. very interesting discussion. I hope that I am a person that looks beyond physical beauty. I believe that we can always learn from each other no matter what our outer shell looks like. In regards to being called oreo, I was called stuck up...she thinks that she is better than us all because I wanted to associate with people that were about something other than the next party, etc. Thanks for a great discussion.

  21. Yes, this is a good discussion disvisionred. Anonymous asked if 'we' talk the way we do because we enjoy reading. I think that is the case for me, however my son is much more articulate than I am and he doesn't read very much. It has to do with education, obviously, but I think it may also have a lot to do with who you associate with. None of the people I know wants to be white, so it's not that.

    I happen to love words. I love to hear them in song, and in good poetry and accented. I just learned a new word today; malfeasance. I'll put it in one of my stories...hehe

    Thanks for the discussion!


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