Thursday, April 28, 2011

Re-Write Chapter 12 of Beast?

What do you guys think? Beast has turned out to be a good story. But some have indicated that it felt rushed and were disappointed at how quickly I addressed some very major issues. I can totally agree with that. I'm thinking about re-working this last chapter but wanted to ask your opinion.

Still much to cover; Christopher's new face, Ashleigh's family, the furnace and the family reunion, DeAngelo...I know I tend to rush the end of a story and have been trying to break that trend. So what do you think? Rework it or move forward? Give me your opinion.

44 comments:

  1. MOVE FORWARD! I think its perfect!

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  2. I have been following on lit and couldn't take the wait, so I've been getting my fixes here. I'm for forging on. PLEASE!!!!

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  3. I love your stories, but this is the first one that i've read that I have thought, "this is moving kind of fast."
    I don't fully believe that they are in the kind of love that Jason and Robin were.

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  4. Move forward!! I NEED to know what happens next!

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  5. No to compare the two stories. i realize that they are different, but I felt like Jason and Robin my friends that were dating each other. They got to know each other before they fell in love and they fought sometimes and sometimes they needed a break and sometimes they couldn't bear to be apart. They were vulnerable and embarrassed in front of each other and they hurt each other. I think that they need some of that real love that you write so well

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  6. I'm for forging on, but perhaps drawing out the ending into longer than one chapter to address each issue fully so it doesn't feel so rushed, the only thing I felt was rushed was the pregnancy and subsequent proposal of marriage, it felt too fast and much like they needed to go through a bit more as a couple (they've each been through A LOT as individuals) before they could just achieve that happy ending. I love the story so much, and any way you want to write it is fine with me, but that's just what I think!
    Thanks for writing such great stories!
    ~M

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  7. I think for this story it is fine. It's a twisted fairytale, not a twisted novel.

    Don't get me wrong. I love Wheels of Steel. And Urban Vampire. There is a place for long, drawn out stories. But sometimes I just want a quick fix. LOL! Sometimes it's best to keep it simple. Sometimes you don't need to go through every month of a relationship (LITERALLY) with the characters. LOL

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  8. I personally love the story and dare i say that WOS and Beast can not be compared to each other at all because in the end of WOS i was not feeling how loose and drug dependent Robin had become but the story itself was wonderful in this new story Beast the timeline is perfect people do fall in love fast there is no time limit or book on how long it takes a person to feel deep in love for another as for not addressing the purging and facial recontrustion of beast face i Know and feel the you are such an exceptional writer that you will have it all in the end of your mini saga of this fantstic, beautiful story you have graced us with so i say it loud MOVE FOWARD THE STORY IS FLAWLESS TO ME!!!!!!!

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  9. II think that you ought to rewrite some parts of the story… It feels like some things are missing and I think that could be fixed by developing the relationships with the characters or the story line a little more. Most def this is not the best that you have written in my opinion (even with the understanding that this piece is unique to your other work). With your other stories I felt that those story lines could actually happen and that’s what I loved about your writing because I could close my eyes and picture myself as the character or the drama actually happening in my life. This piece of work is like a predictable fairy tale that I have read before (i.e Boy has low self esteem, girl has low self esteem, they meet fall in love and live happily ever after). I keep reading it hoping that you will make a fool out of me by throwing a curve ball in the plot but so far I have been disappointed.
    Since so many want you to continue the story as is why don’t you do so and come back later with the rewrites.

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  10. I am all for continuing the story to clear up a few loose ends like - Christopher's face and what he looks like now and how that may change their relationship, Ashleigh's family's response to Chris, Chris beating up the guy that almost attacked Ashleigh in the gym, the sister - how/where she makes her money ....these are just a few of the things on my wish list. LOL!! But even with that said, I am totally in love with this story and I agree - Beast and WOS are in two completely different categories. You do them both a disservice to compare them to each other. BRAVO PEP FOR ANOTHER EXCEPTIONAL READ!

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  11. keep it moving sista !!! I like how different and alike WOS and Beast are. But they are just that two different stories. But, I'm a bit of addict when it comes to this story and I would like to know what happens next.

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  12. I personally think you should go on and THEN maybe go back throughout the story to edit the developement!! That way the Beast addicts (myself included) can be satisfied and you can make all the changes you want at your own pace and then repost!!!!! :)

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  13. I agree with some of the others, yes I would have liked a few more chapters in between, but sometimes you just want a quick fix. Even though I wouldn't mind a few more chapters to address some of the issue you didn't get to yet. If you ended the story now, I would still think that the story was good.

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  14. Move forward it is a great story

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  15. Pep, I am your ultimate fan. I have the highest respect for your vision and skills, soooo I'm gonna read and reread whatever you put out. Do yo thang girlie!!!!

    Ladye T

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  16. I really like the story and I would love for you to move forward. I don't think it can be compared to WOS. The stories seem to have a different rhythm to them and so I don't think they can really be compared to each other.

    I know you said the next will be the finale but I do hope you slow that down. I personally want to know what happens with Lance and his boyfriend, DeAngelo and his wife, and Christopher and Ashleigh. If that takes 4 or 5 more parts then I'm ready for them.

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  17. chapter 12 did seem a little rushed and as u said u have so much more to cover i think u should rewrite chap 12 as long as your noy going to rewrite the whole story like u did wheels of steel appreciated it but it was just a long process of waiting that i did not like so yes on the rewrite of chap 12 no on the re write of the whole thing

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  18. Pep I like this story, some parts I love more than others but the cliff hangers are keeping me coming back( aint that what cliff hangers are for). As some of the others have posted, this needs a rewrite. It has been fast paced from jump i think. Maybe that was your intention im not for sure, or maybe we have come accustomed to how your flesh out your other stories that this seems rushed. In your writings you eluded to Chris meeting Ashleighs family but that didnt happen in the capacity i thought it would. All that to say rewrite chapt 12.. Love your writings pep i really do. Take your time and write and edit, your loyal fans
    will wait.:)

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  19. I say keeping it moving also. I think you could address most things fully in one last long chapter. As for addressing DeAngelo...I feel it was taken care of when she told him that she didn't want him anymore. Bringing him into the picture again would be pointless. I love the story though, so whatever you decide I will still be a faithful reader.

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  20. Honestly I love your writing skills and vision Pepper, like many others here. I definitely defer to your expertise when I read your stories I really am transported. So... listen, if when you wrote the story YOU felt satiated, and the characters spoke to you and moved in the direction you think they needed to be then I'm all for it and vise versa.
    I'm just always excited to peek into the worlds you create, I love reading your work.
    so... Do you P... I'll read whatever you post :)

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  21. I want less everything elso more Ashliegh and Beast. I think you may have lost focus on the main characters. I was so distracted by everything else. Add more Ash and Beast less everything else. I still liked it

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  22. It's a fairytale not a novel. I don't think it should get to like 20 chapters. It's supposed to be more of a short story ya know? I don't feel like D'Angelo needs to be readdressed. He's been dismissed already. He came crawling back and Ashleigh kicked him to the curb. He's finished. I do think the new face, the lying that him and his commander did so he could get the surgery and the cowardice that he displayed ALL need to be addressed. Again maybe it's just my vantage point, but folks with kids and spouses risk their lives all the time. That's just part of the job. If my husband wiggled his way out of a deployment I'd kick his ass. It's not honorable. The surgery doesn't really bother me all that much because the beast had a good heart and he had to learn that and once he did he looked normal again. That's just how the story works.

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  23. While the surgery doesn't bother me I do think his thoughts behind getting it need to be explained. It's a needed part of the story but let's connect the dots if that makes sense.

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  24. Love the story and I think its confirmation of your writing skills that we're hooked. I think each story has its own pace and rhythm and Beast has/had its own and shouldn’t be compared to WOS. I had no problem with it until Christopher had to go away on his first mission then it seemed to move really quickly, too quickly.

    I’m with one of the other posters, “the only thing I felt was rushed was the pregnancy and subsequent proposal of marriage, it felt too fast and much like they needed to go through a bit more as a couple”. I want to hear about the furnace, the family reunion, Chris meeting Ashleigh’s family, Chris’ new face and the effect that it has on their relationship. The surgery is major and for him to be able to leave hospital after 7 weeks (even if he’s a “beast” I don’t buy it). The one thing I’m not bothered about is DeAngelo. He’s been done and I think she’s said everything that needs to be said to him.

    Loved WOS, but this is a completely different story. If you need more time to fully tie up the loose ends then take it.

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  25. I absolutely love this story but I agree with some of the previous posters with the idea that maybe chap 12 should have a rewrite. If at all possible. It did seem a little rushed with the pregnancy and the proposal and the reconstructive surgery but then again I'm a huge fan of your writing so much so that even with the fast pace of the last chapter I still loved it :] so rewrite, don't rewrite either way it's awesome.

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  26. I think It was a little rushed my reasoning is this... in chapter 11 Christopher found out something was wrong with his boo... and then the next chapter it jumps to her point of view... I would have liked to see more of a tension from Christopher's side IMO

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  27. You know Pep, whatever you do is fine by me. Christopher's introduction to Ashleigh's family before the operations was something that I was looking forward to as we don't know a whole lot about Ashleigh's family. But as I said whatever will be will be...
    Now onto something I think is a bit eye catching... I was just on youtube watching vids. of the New Zealand All Blacks rugbyteam's Haka dance and I came across this rugby player by the name of Sebastien Chabal and let me tell you I got some serious chills... I couldn't utter a word for like a minute and a half as I did a search on this unknown man. I don't even remember the man that Christopher was likened to initially but this Sebastien Chabal fella gets my vote and two thumbs way way up as the man I am going to imagine as Christopher from here on out...and yeah I think I would have melted on the floor watching him on the treadmill naked (l.o.l).
    I'm sorry I know this is off topic but I thought I would share this with you, Pep.

    -392OhMyGoodness

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  28. I am a huge fan of this story. I am hooking on reading more about Christopher and Ashleigh. I think it is believable for these two people to fall in love so quickly because they did have time to get to know eachother through working out. Also I think both were desperately waiting to find that person who saw them (and all their flaws) through the eyes of love. I have never suffered from an eating disorder, and I couldn't tell from the story if she had suffered in the past, or if the purging was a distorted and bad version of self care (trying to rid the sugar from her body before it made her sick). Maybe that could be made more clear.

    I think as much as I was waiting with baited breath for Chrstopher to come home, chapter 12 felt a little rushed to me. I am not a writer, but I don't think you need to rewrite. I think you can answer questions in the following chapters. I want to know more about everyone in the story.

    You are an amazing writer. I check your site daily for updates on stories.
    Megan

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  29. I love this story, do what you want. I have no problem.

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  30. rework it. i love it but it is alittle rushed

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  31. Rewrite it. The pace of the relationship has caused me to have a certain apathy for the characters. They don't seem real to me.

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  32. Call me crazy but it is like a fairy tale. I don't think they are suppose to be long, but short and sweet. Although I understand what you are saying, I also neeeeeeddddd you to finish this. Maybe just wrap it up in a way that touches on some of the areas you feel are lacking. I love the fairy tale quality though of love at first sight or close to it :) Hope this helps.

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  33. Love the story - don't think this story is the same as WOS, so it's not comparable. Please don't forget to add a bit regarding the Chief who took his spot on the mission - will Beast have guilt issues since he took his spot?
    I'm torn with wanting the story to slow down for more depth since I lovethe story so much vs wanting it over and get my happily ever after!
    Whichever you pick I will love it!

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  34. A face book message came across, and the reader wrote:

    For some reason I keep getting an error Message when trying to post a comment at pepperstories so I'm sending this message here:

    I thought "Beast" was the first installment of a twisted fairy tales series. Fairytales by definition leave some loose ends (what happens to the enchanted mirror in Sleeping Beauty? Does it get a new owner? Is it broken? Do you care?). Honestly the secondary characters served their purposes: to drive the story along. I'm on team " move on to the next twisted tale because I'm breathless with anticipation..". Old tales are new again in your masterful hands.

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  35. The FB commenter has a solid point. It's a fairytale. Not at all comparable to WOS.

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  36. I agree with most of the comments. The chapter 12 is a little bit rush. Except that, the rythm is just perfect for a MODERN fairytale. I totally love the story. Good luck with a choice Pep.

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  37. And I forgot, I don't think that's necessary to "bring back" DeAngelo in the picture, at least physically.

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  38. Yeah, I'm done with DeAngelo. And it seems like Tory is, too. I know when I was dating my most recent ex, I didn't give two sh**s about the previous ex...I was happy in the here and now. Other than maybe hearing through the grapevine that he's single and alone. LOLOLOL

    Further with the eating disorder (been giving this some thought, I'm also a health issue nerd since it's my job), it's not uncommon for someone with an eating disorder to regress to disordered patterns when stressful situations arise. Ashleigh becoming bulimic during a time of high stress and anxiety is realistic. Eating disorders are kind of like alcoholism and other addiction disorders: you're always in recovery.

    Exactly why she needs caring, big, handsome, willing Christopher in her life. And let me stop there and just go reread from the beginning since Pep's decision has been made. LOL

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  39. I'm with Team 'Hurry up and finish the story'. Yes Chapter 12 was a bit rushed but like a few others have said, it's a FAIRYTALE not a NOVEL. Big difference. Feel free to rewrite Chapter 12 but please DO NOT rewrite the whole story.

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  40. I agree with 392OhMyGoodness on Sebastien Chabal look just like Chris in my mind.Kinda scary but good looking at the same

    -JJ

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  41. OMG

    Ok, after surgery, Chris looks like Sebastien Chabal. Mama mia!

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  42. lol @ ImJane and JJ... I thought I was the only one that was gonna be visualizing him down on one knee proposing to Ashleigh... seeing a big man like that so vulnerable and awed at the moment just makes me wanna shed a tear and say 'aaawwww.' :)

    -392OhMyGoodness

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  43. i think your stories are amazing and for this chapter a little elaboration would definitely do justice. i hope we get to see the next chapter soon.

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  44. I think that sometimes in real life love is rushed, it doesn't take time to mature as friends but that doesn't mean that it is any less special. I met my husband and in two weeks knew he was the one I wanted to be with forever, flaws and all. I would love to see the story forging ahead just b/c I love the characters. However I feel that as the author you know when the story is done and move on to the next. If it does indeed feel that way to you then by all means let this be that last chapter. If you don't then quite frankly forge ahead and be damned to the critics lol.

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