Saturday, January 21, 2012

Feedback requested

Well the Amazon contest will begin January 23rd and there are two categories; youth story and general audiences. None of the stories that you all have read by me would really fit either category. But I believe I can make Untitled fit, and I have another Untitled story that would fit the youth category.

My daughter and I call the story The Purple World. I began writing it for my daughter many years ago and we are the only two to ever see it--until now. It's about a group of friends that find each other out of necessity of their circumstances. And then they go on to experience the greatest adventure of all time. Here is my PITCH:
Eddie is a shy, sickly, yet smart boy that finds himself bullied by his peers. It's difficult for him to open up but when he does he is loyal and true. Hestler is a little girl that is shunned by the townspeople, abused by the one that raises her, and possessed by a demon that she has learned to live with. Her home is the barn of the boardinghouse that she is forced to cook and clean--but people come from miles around to eat her delicious food or to watch and wait for her demon to emerge. Matteo is their strange link. He is a mixture of every race but one would be hard pressed to identify any one of them. His lion colored eyes are like no others--and is the key to the mystery that he holds secret... His mysterious appearance in school is made only stranger by his odd clothes and the weird manner that he speaks. And then one day he says, "I will barter an adventure more valuable then your fried sticks of potato!"  And then begins the experience of their lives.

The trio experiences a magical journey of different worlds, strange customs until they are joined by their final friend, someone so devastatingly deformed that no one knows if their newest member is boy or girl...This journey takes them through the true test of friendship and teaches them the true meaning of home.
Okay, so that's my PITCH. How did it sound? Does it make you want to read it? I have 120K words and I'm not done yet...rounding third and heading home. 

I'll share some chapters with you. But please let me know what you think--is it a little boring? Or am I suffering from over-editing syndrome?



  1. I am intrigued by the pitch but can't see the chapter(s) posted for review. Blogger has denied access. Back to your pitch I think it has several good "hooks" as long as it doesn't take an eon to get to the s urprises.

  2. like the pitch, but same as dolores, can't access the two chapters, says it's for invited readers only after you logged in your google account.
    the pitch tells me enough to know it will be quite a ride, learning to cope, growing up, get/be adventurous.... makes me really want to read it

    1. Sorry about that, you can read it now.

  3. about to start our family party (youngest turned ten last monday) but i'll get to it tonight or tomorrow!

  4. At first I didn't think I would like it, but I was wrong I love it and I want more, as usual you didn't disappoint me.

  5. Wow! Great story. Maybe your best yet.



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