Sunday, October 17, 2010

Writers Block is a muther fucker!

I wasn't sure if I was going to tell you all this, but Pep has writers block big time.  When you get it you try to stay calm, you try to convince yourself that you don't have it.  But as the weeks have gone on I find that I simply can not write!  I can force words on paper and it will will be a series of meaningless words that do not touch me, but that finish a story already begun.

I started writing my Halloween story, the idea is sublime (at least in my own head).  It's mapped out in such a way that it's a no brainer...and yet I have written the same five sentences over and over for two days.  The first draft I read to my 16 year old daughter--who writes also--and after two paragraphs she just huffs in annoyance and says, 'Why are you writing all of that?  Why do you have to use all of those big words, and go into so much detail; you know your readers do not want to hear all of that!'  And then she says, 'I would have just said this...' and the 16 year old proceeds to break it down into the exact words that I had been searching for.  I'm nodding my head.  Yeah, that could work.

This is writers block!  When your 16 year old listens to two paragraphs of a story that you've been struggling with and tells you in 5 or 6 lines what to write and it's perfection!

And Wheels of Steel?  It's already finished in my head (the stories come to me at night while I'm lying in bed--the missing part, the elusive ending).  My fingers are poised at the keyboard...but if I have to write the same sentence over and over a million times then it's not happening.  So I've been doing other things, having fun and not thinking about writing--though it is a distant, haunting thought in the back of my head that one day soon will have to be faced.  Today was that day.

Pep had a mini breakdown as I sat behind the lappy (still unamed...though I'm kinda leaning towards Nancy or perhaps Samuel L) as my palms began to sweat, and my stomach knotted and then the tears began.  A person like me, that has to write in order to keep my thoughts in some form of semblance, can not imagine a time when the words aren't there.  Because should that happen...well I won't have writing as my form of 'therapy'.  Then I just might need 'real' therapy.

When my father was in the hospital preparing to die, which incidentally happened one day after my birthday a year ago October 10th, he said, 'You love words.'  Sometimes he would just wake up, eyes focusing on me and say things like that.  Sometime it was 'hello beautiful', and luckily for me, once it was 'Happy Birthday.' so that I got to hear him say it one more time.

I smiled and nodded.  'Yeah, Daddy, I love words.' I see words in a way that alot of people can't understand and even being a writer I can't put into words.  I see words in my head; floating on them, burying myself into them.  I love listening to other languages so that I can feel those words--I don't even care if I don't understand them!  When I string together random words and I make people cry, laugh, horny, happy/ can you not love words?

And I lost that for a while, not the love, but the ability to arrange them, weave a story using them.  And then I heard a song called Nightfall.  It's by Fila Brazillia.  It has the type of repetitive beat that allows me to write to so I began to listen to it as I struggled to find the words.  I got to three minutes into the song, it transforms at exactly the 3 minute mark.  I stopped what I was doing and I listened.  And he sang exactly what I felt about words!   He says the colors, but for me it's the words...

Thank you Fila Brazillia because I tapped into my own fear, panic and love of words to begin tapping out the Halloween story.  And I feel it again.  As long as Nightfall is streaming through my computer I can feel my words again.  NIGHTFALL~FILA BRAZILLIA

Here is a preview of the story.  It is literally 2 pages so is very short.  But if you want to see it here it is; I would show you the crap I wrote before it but I'm too ashamed.  LOL.



  1. ahh I see ......

    I keep busy and feel the heat of a degree burn in front of me
    but put road blocks in the way.....
    so sorry I've been kind of away for awhile , but I'm not a duracell rabbit, and the 24 hours is to short for me... give me 8 arms and maybe I'll be faster hehe
    stuff is moving, but slower then normal for me to :....

    yeah yeah, time to sand up and work

    The twin

  2. Oh Ho-Z, I got the shirt 2 days ago. It looks real good, and good t-shirt material. I'll try to take a pic of it and post it. Don't get mad but I wish it said Ho-Z designs on it and your web address. Just saying...

  3. Hey,
    You know what I love about your work is how you can make me experience everything you write. I really don't care much about story lines, I can pretty much accept whatever directions the author wishes to give it. But it is the words that make or break the story for me. To me, you could write the most cliched story and I'd still read it spellbound. For the 15-20 minutes that I read an update by you I forget everything around me, you take me to magic land. You're great! :)
    Well, there is no real reason why I writing this, just reading you talk about words, made me want to share this with you.

  4. the first one !!!!

    I wanna see it !!!!

    I know what you feel, but thats for the future ---

    I wanted a minimalist type shirt first, and see if it works in the public and let people talk about it and ask instead of the promo version that will have
    so its a reason for it

    I've just been to busy to make it ---
    I'm still learning and I'm happy to get the feedback

    The colors fade after the first few washes. I wanted it "vintage" and not "perfect" if ya know what I'm saying

  5. Hey Spockette, that's great. Thanks for saying that. I know exactly what you're saying.

  6. Pep...since I'm not a writer, I cannot begin to understand writer's block. I do feel that it is something of the utmost frustration. I think the only way that I can match it to is for me not being able to remember an actor or title of a movie. I'm a MEGA movie person, and to not know actor, title, director, or even make up artist drives me crazy. But like all things when you don't try and think about will eventually come to you. Or better yet you look at something the inspires inspiration to the answer you're looking for. So I have the utmost faith that you're writer's block will end at some point.

    I'm so glad you got your shirt Pep. I can't wait to be back in the sister has some ideas about a photo shoot centered around the shirt. I am no ways a model, but she is very creative. I'll send you some pics..once the mini project is completed.

  7. @kolby A photoshoot? Awsome ! I'm happy I inspire!!!



  8. i'm glad to hear your muse is finding her way back to you pepper.
    i can understand all to well how bitchy they can be when they aren't cooperating as they should. a shame a simple spanking doesn't put them back in order ;)

    also thanks for the kind words on my own Ho-z story, updates won't be as fast as for WOS here, i'm writing on my "main" story as well. But it got in my head and just wouldn't leave...

  9. I should start a 'Rocking the Ho-z' shirt picture thread. When you get it let me know Kolby

  10. My music muse has indeed returned mokkelke, at least for this story. *Turns to the very busy Ho-Z* You know I need you to keep poking me to get me back on track with WOS, yet I hear you loud and clear Twin. You are working that project which isn't a past time, but something that effects your career. You focus on that and I will work it out here.

  11. A folder with beats will drop to the sweet sista FRIDAY .. cliff hanger

  12. Will sister is 16 and going through artistic is one of them..I really dislike being in pictures..but oh well...I have to be supportive.

    I think a t-shirt pic thread would be awesome.

  13. Re: your writers block, don't force it, just let it come when it wants to. Even if I have to check for daily updates (which I'll admit to have been doing) I'll be patient!

  14. Glad you got your muse back, Kim. I knew it wouldn't be long and you'd be typing away happily. Writers are like that. :)


  15. T post for the shirt pics will be fun

    "Wall of Ho-Z" -

  16. Heya Pep! Am glad you have started writing again. I miss reading your stories. I trust you as an author and am looking forward to reading more of your work. Hugs. =) Alex.

  17. I'm really missing WOS. Can you give us an update? anything? something... I'm desperate! :(

  18. Well I haven't written on WOS yet. I'll start it up again once October ends


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