How to stay married--thoughts from a divorced man

I read this on a friend's blog and thought I'd share. These are words of wisdom that can help save your relationship

By David Mikus 

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 37 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. 

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love.

One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for. The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in your marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Angel Over my Shoulder

Have you read my novella Angel Over my Shoulder? It has a brand new cover but is the same story. He was the presence that was always in her dreams. He was mostly the backdrop but at times he came to the forefront. She never knew a time when he wasn’t somewhere in her dreams, either watching in the distance, or standing just behind her.

For all of her young life, Leslie has lived two realities; the one that happened in ‘real life’ and the other that took place weeks or months before--in her dreams. No matter how bad, Angel was always there to watch over her. He never grew older and she didn’t think to question his presence. And then one fateful day, Angel shows her a series of events that will change her life and send young Leslie into a tailspin that will test her very sanity.

In this multicultural, paranormal romance, Pepper Pace weaves a tale of a tragic and disturbed young girl whose fate is written…or is it? Available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble for ebook and Createspace for paper back.

The Shadow People is doing GREAT!

I am totally surprised that The Shadow People still remains on the top 100 of two Amazon charts! Yes I know its a very good--and yet chilling story. But my fans are IR romance and erotica readers and this is dead set in the paranormal/horror genre. And yet I have sold several hundred copies since the release earlier this month.

Thank you all for your support on this. If you would like your own copy it is .99 and can be purchased at Amazon and Barnes and Noble for your eReader or in paperback at Createspace. Amazon link below!

Scarlet Gospels by Clive Barker

Do you remember The Cenobites?

If you do then it's likely from a movie called Hell Raiser. Back in the day I was a big horror buff. I had read nearly everything by author Clive Barker and the Cenobites were chilling. It was because they fed off of true human ugliness. The innocent went untouched. Pin head had a a dark devilish soul, but he did have one.

The next book in this set has just been released. I literally gasped when I saw it!

"The Scarlet Gospels takes readers back many years to the early days of two of Barker's most iconic characters in a battle of good and evil as old as time: The long-beleaguered detective Harry D'Amour, investigator of all supernatural, magical, and malevolent crimes faces off against his formidable, and intensely evil rival, Pinhead, the priest of hell. Barker devotees have been waiting for The Scarlet Gospels with bated breath for years, and it's everything they've begged for and more. Bloody, terrifying, and brilliantly complex, fans and newcomers alike will not be disappointed by the epic, visionary tale that is The Scarlet Gospels. Barker's horror will make your worst nightmares seem like bedtime stories. The Gospels are coming. Are you ready?"

Actually they are here!

 

Beauty's Kingdom-Book 4 in the Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice

How many of you remember the Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Rocquelaure? It began with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, and the Beauty's Punishment and finally Beauty's Release.

If you were like me, this series was my introduction into the world of BDSM and I've never been able to look away every since. Later--like so many of you, I was surprised to find that the vampire books that were so popular was written by the same person who had written all those nasty stories about Beauty. Ann Rice became one of my all time favorite authors.

If you haven't heard, she has written a fourth book in the Beauty series. This one is entitled Beauty's Kingdom. I cannot wait to sink my teeth into this...but first I have to dust of (or rather find) my old copies of Beauty and start the series from the beginning.

Use the below link for Amazon purchases

The Shadow People--Now Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Createspace

Once upon a time Danielle had been like any other girl—until her best friend told her about the Shadows that visited her at night. Soon Danielle discovers the phenomenon that hundreds of thousands have experienced. The Shadow People are real. Now Danielle is on a fight against time to find the answer to their message before it is too late. 

Pepper Pace is the award winning author of Beast and Juicy. This paranormal story is a departure in genre, yet it still brings the sexiness and a HEA. Warning: This story contains graphic language and content. 

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Paperback with CreateSpace 

The Shadow People; A short paranormal story sneak peek

COMING SOON TO AMAZON, BARNES AND NOBLE AND IN PAPER ON CREATESPACE

Sweet sixteen parties never meant anything to Danielle when she was not the most popular girl in high school, nor desired to be.  She didn’t want a car since she didn’t drive, didn’t want lots of high fashion clothes since the only thing she ever wore were chucks, jeans and t-shirts.  She wanted a computer and to maybe have a sleep-over with a few of her friends.  For her, that would be a sweet sixteen.

When Mama surprised her with a computer, Dani had been in a state of sheer joy.  She didn’t think her mother would do it--could afford it but she had managed it.  Dani understood the sacrifice.  Her mother was single and there was no father around to help out.  Mama worked two jobs to give them a comfortable life; and in return Dani did little to stress her out. 

Her three best friends came over and they played on the internet, using a free AOL disc to surf the unknown territories of cyberspace.  It was so fun, but Mama made them get off of it after three hours so they popped popcorn and watched movies and told horror stories.  Dani was the best at telling stories. She wanted to be a writer and had already written a poem that had been published in the local community section of their newspaper.  The new computer would help her write a real novel and that was her biggest wish--to be a published novelist.

Crystal began by telling them about an urban legend that ended with a veterinarian telling a family to step away from their newly found puppy because ‘that’s not a dog—it’s a giant poisonous African rat!’  Everyone laughed and shivered, but mostly laughed. 

Neecy told a story about a maniac that had kept girls trapped in his basement as sex slaves, which then caused them to begin talking in hushed voices about sex. Sex was still a mystery that none of them had broached and contemplating a day when they would no longer be virgins seemed a distant dream.  And then Dani had given them each a solemn look.

“Okay, what I’m about to tell you isn’t a fake story.  This is real.”  Dani noticed that the smile had fallen from Patricia’s mouth and her eyes had taken on a strange look.  Dani almost didn’t tell it because of that stricken look on Patricia’s face.  With a slight frown, Dani put the look aside for later analysis and she plunged forward.  “Does … anyone else see things before they happen?”

Charron nodded.  “That’s called Dejavu.”

“Everybody gets that.” Crystal added.

Dani paused and then with a slight swallow she continued.  “I saw my grandmother’s funeral before it happened.”

Neecy raised a brow.  “Girl, I don’t believe in that kind of stuff.  Maybe you just think you saw it.”  She then reached for the bowl of popcorn.  “When you think you have Dejavu, you can’t remember what’s going to happen anyways.  You only remember it after it’s over.”

Dani shrugged.  “I remember it, and not just that … I’ve seen other stuff too.”  She was too ashamed to tell them that she’d had a dream about having sex and that it hadn’t just been a dream—it had been more than a dream.  She decided to keep that story to herself.

Dani didn’t know the guy in the dream. But she remembered the both of them lying on a couch, making out--a very sensual dream considering that she had never even kissed a boy before.  And then she’d touched his penis.  It had been hard and ruddy colored.  He was white, her brown fingers had closed around it and he had begun to move and he gently removed her hand and glided his erect penis into her body.  She could not feel the boy, and she couldn’t see herself because she was looking through her own eyes, but in her sleep her body reacted. It was what had awakened her.  It was the first time she’d ever had such a vivid sex dream and her body throbbed. Dani had quickly written down every detail so that she would not forget.  There were days when she would run the images of that dream through her mind—days when she wondered if any guy would ever notice her, days when she looked into the mirror and saw that the reflection returned the image of a person that was totally unremarkable.  Then she would remember that one day a boy would love her and she would love him.

It bothered her that there was not much that she could see of him.  Long dark hair had obscured his face, though she could see that he was very attractive, early twenties, and the most amazing thing about him was that his arms were covered in colorful tattoos. 

After that dream, she always looked for a boy with dark hair and arms covered in tattoos; because that would be the boy that she would love.

At sixteen that dream had yet to come to life but instinctively Dani knew that it would.  She took in the doubtful looks on her friend’s faces; all except Patricia, who hadn’t made one comment.  She just looked at Dani as if she would say something but couldn’t.  Dani quickly changed the subject and they began talking about music videos and cute singers.

Later, as they were drifting off to sleep, she saw Patricia staring at the ceiling completely wide-eyed.  The next day, when everyone else had left Dani asked Patricia to stay and help her get everything straightened up.  Patricia was relatively new to their group of friends.  She had only moved into town the year before.  But she instantly fit in with them. 

It was strange that the two girls had taken so well to each other since Patricia was her very opposite.  She was petite and dainty.  She went to the hairdresser to have her long hair styled, she went to a salon to have her nails painted, she even wore designer clothes.  Her honey brown skin and light colored eyes assured that she would be popular with the boys.  And even though she could have easily hung out with the jocks and the cheerleader types that invariably made Dani cringe—Patricia preferred their geeky little group and didn’t even date, her shyness making her even more appealing to the jocks than even the school sluts...