I'm Still Your Fag

I started a story about a year ago that was inspired by a video that captured my imagination. The group is Broken Social Scene and I'm a tremendous fan. They call this sort of thing a Fan Story. That is where you take someone else's idea and put your own spin to it. They call it this so that people like me don't get in trouble for plagiarizing someone else's idea.  I'll share it with you, though I never finished. I'd still like to because I've never tired of this video.

I'm Still your Fag...

Blane:

If your name is Blane and you aren’t rich, and you aren’t a model—and you don’t have any abilities such as sports, singing, or charisma to attract a ton of friends—then you are just a fucked up individual at my school.

I should have been named John because that’s the type of name where you can blend into the woodwork.  Only, I guess that would not work with me because I happen to be the only fag at my school.  Oh, there are tons of gays and lesbians—the ones that intend to come out of the closet once they graduate.  But I was ripped out of the closet the very day that I was caught doodling the name of a guy that I liked all over my notebook. 

That was two years ago.  I’m a senior now and everyday in school is just like…well walking through the seventh level of hell.

Lori:  

I read once that someone asked Yoko Ono why she never smiles and she said that it’s because people associate her smiles to the grinning Japanese caricatures that they see in movies, and therefore she swore that she would not be that smiling fool.  That’s when I stopped smiling.  People pass me on the street and say, ‘Smile.  It’s not that bad.’ And I say.  ‘Fuck you.’  And they are so surprised that a Japanese person isn’t accommodating, nodding their heads and bowing like a fucking Cheshire cat.  I suppose there are lots of things that piss me off.  Take for instance my name; Mori not Lori.  But can anyone at school get that straight?  No.  So now I’m Lori.

Want to know what else pisses me off?  That I was not born that small petite dainty Japanese girl.  I’m 5’10’ and I’m no where near to being skinny.  So if people are going to look I give them something to look at.  My hair is a mohawk and I wear only black; black clothes, black makeup, black nail polish—but I’m not a Satanist so I also wear a cross (this is more to spite my Buddhist mother).   

There is probably only one thing that makes life as a freakishly tall, Japanese-American, non-smiling anarchist bearable and that’s my friend Blane, though even that is masochistic.  I love every single thing about him--even while he is in love with a guy that would never look at him twice.

Mason:

Why should people care so much that I run up and down a football field catching and throwing a ball?  But then twenty girls are lined up waiting to catch my eye…for what?  Because I’m Quarterback?  That only means that I get the blame whenever something messes up.  So the kids in school think I’m a hero and the guys on the team think they would do a better job than me.All I want to do is play football.  

Alone

Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice

A Poem

I'm no poet (which I've said on more than one occasion) and I am always amazed when someone whips up a good one. I can sit for hours straining and sweating only to come up with some kindergarten rhyme :) When I was (am) writing Untitled there needed to be poems included as the main character has more talents in that department than I do. I relied on several people to come up with the poems for me and one of them was my friend Ben. 

He just wrote one that I really like about a subject that is...um...somewhat taboo. Mhmmmm...I don't think this one is going into the story, but I'm certainly keeping it.

oh how she wanted it

the rush of blood

the shortness of breath

was all she needed to know

it was to be hers

 

there was apprehension

always ways

to take the plunge

to breach the barrier

but such delight to follow

 

she wanted it

to clench the sheets

to bite the pillow

to moan in glory

 

oh how she wanted it

the rush of blood

the shortness of breath

was all she needed to know

it was to be hers

again and again

 

-Ben-

Where have I been?

I know that I pretty much disappeared over night...well other than some blogging and submissions to Vampiric Charms. Several months ago I got pretty sick and it was causing my blood pressure to do some crazy things. I couldn't concentrate, or stay awake long enough to gather the energy to write. I wasn't myself and I'm thankful that I did not lose ALL of my friends during this period (insert smile here).

I started seeing a doctor and was diagnosed with diabetes which had begun to take a toll on my body. As a result I just couldn't gather the energy to write. Even when I had the energy I couldn't get my 'head' into the story. A few days ago I tried writing the next chapter of Untitled and it sucked badly and had to be scrapped. Though I'm anxious to finish I'm not willing to sacrifice the quality of the story just for the sake of ending it.   With that said, thank you all for being patient and not sending me emails telling me how much I suck for keeping you hanging.

We all know those writers that begin a story, make promises to finish and then just never do. So I'm not making any promises as to when Untitled will be finished, only that it will get finished. Don't ask me when, I just don't know. Damnit, didn't I just say don't ask?

What am I doing these days?

Well I have been getting caught up on some reading and find that I am still more impressed by the free stories on Lit than I am by some of the well established writers that I have purchased books from--Mary Monroe...

Also, I've become an unofficial editor! Some of you might be surprised that I have the gall to try to edit another writer's work. I think that I have been notorious for not editing my own work to an acceptable level and allowing stupid mistakes to pass through. Right now it is even worse--I may have to proof read the same thing 3 or 4x before catching even my most glaring errors. But the thing is that I started reading some of this guy's work and I liked it alot. Then he asked me to read a manuscript that he calls Fighter and it literally captured me hook line and sinker. I literally covered my eyes and squealed like a kid at some of the parts. Only Robcub has me doing that, and that is the honest truth!

He really needs an editor because he has really bad mistakes in his Lit submissions, but the heart of the story still comes through. He asked me to edit Dominus for him and I said no. Then he found an editor for it who he said would also edit Fighter. Then something happened in me and I got ultra possessive. LOL! I said, no! I'm editing Fighter...and the rest is history.

He writes under the name CreepyRJ...and the name is fairly fitting, which is why he is on my favorites list. Creepy writes some crazy shit like I do. But if you like BDSM his Becoming the Dominus series is a good one. I began with Mirando Las Olas which was very sweet. I haven't told him what I truly like about his stories is the way that he has dominant male characters that also know how to be kind and that is why I'm hooked on his Fighter story.

Also, he and I are going to be doing a collaboration and writing a story together. It's about an Indian that hates white people as his family was massacred by confederate soldiers. So he goes around killing them in a sociopathic rage whenever he sees them in his territory. Well he comes upon a wagon train in which there is a slave girl who he takes back with him to his tribe. She is obviously terrified upon seeing him massacre everyone but soon love blooms and blah blah blah. He and I write enough alike that I'm sure he will prod me into the right direction when I fall short, the way they do in Vampiric Charms.

Before anyone asks I'll explain the difference between writing my own work and writing in a collaboration--half of the work is already done by someone else, and someone else can pick up the slack if I fall short.

I just want you guys to know that I'm still around and kicking, and I hope to be back in full form when I feel better. And thanks again for hanging around and for your patience.

PP

Michael Jackson by James

Here is a tribute to Michael Jackson that was created by my nephew a few years ago. I was going through my YouTube play lists and remembered just how much this put a smile on my face and decided to share. He filmed this in fake motion. It is just individual pictures spliced together to mimic motion. He said it took anywhere from 500-1500 pictures!

Wake the baby

Why are so many black women not married?

I just finished reading an article written by Ralph Richard Banks for the Wall Street Journal, entitled An Interracial Fix for Black Marriages. (link included). The author states that it is difficult to find black men of 'marriage quality' for the nearly 70% of the unmarried black females across the nation. The author readily states that the number crosses all socio-economic groups and that less than 50% of black women will consider dating outside of her race. However, what I found most amazing is that according to online dating sites, black women are the partners least desired by non black men but are more desired by ethnic men other than black men. Hmmm, interesting. Especially when the author states;

"Black women who do marry often end up with black men who are less accomplished than they are. They are more likely than any other group of women to earn more than their husbands. More than half of college-educated black wives are better educated than their husbands."

The stats are alarming. There are approximately 125,000 African American women to approximately 58,000 African American men. 

"Because black men are in short supply, their options are better than those of black women. A desirable black man who ends a relationship with one woman will find many others waiting; that's not so for black women.

If many black women remain unmarried because they think they have too few options, some black men stay single because they think they have so many. The same numbers imbalance that makes life difficult for black women may be a source of power for black men. Why cash in, they reason, when it is so easy to continue to play?"

The article proposes a remedy.

"By opening themselves to relationships with men of other races, black women would also lessen the power disparity that depresses the African-American marriage rate. As more black women expanded their options, black women as a group would have more leverage with black men. Even black women who remained unwilling to love across the color line would benefit from other black women's willingness to do so.

It's hard to resist the paradoxical possibility that, if more black women married non-black men, then more black men and women might, in time, marry each other."

I'm not sure why this article annoyed me as much as it does. The author is an African American man and thinks that most black women aren't married to black men because they are not up to par or because black men are just players. Really? Does the author not account for personal preference? Honestly, his thinking is the way a lot of the non-white men that I've been involved with think. But here is the truth as I see it:

It's black men that don't choose black women. 

I read a lot of the comments and they seemed to confirm my thoughts as many black men described what they hated about black women. Yeah...hated. It's sad to hear successful black men state that they can't get with AAW (African American Women) because we don't know how to act.  


Yeah, these are generalizations because all bigotry is based on that--but so are truths. 

"...drama is a daily part of my life as I shop or eat where I can support black business. Most of the clerks are AAW. The coldness and crude behavior from them as well as most black women makes me wonder sometimes if I've wronged them in their past. I consider myself responsible and financially secure. I'm without a criminal record, volunteer for various organizations and most important to me, I raised my daughter alone. Not trying to toot my own horn, but it seems to me that a black man is the last thing AAW want to see coming. Unless you bling, got a football or basketball contract, as a black man AAW attitudes tell me to keep steppin'. I'm not a perfect man, no one is and I'm not a ten, but certainly I can get up to an 7 and possibly 8 and three more quarters on a good day. Which brings me to this, I've chatted with Filipino's, Latino's, and other ethnics with favorable results and nice conversations. Read into to that what you want."

"As a young 29 year old educated black man working for a large corporation in San Francisco I can vouch for what you said. Black women were my preference for many years but finding one with a nice personality, attractive, and not a single mother was nearly impossible. The ones who did fit that discription weren't looking for me even thought I've never had any problem meeting women of every race you can think of. I can also tell you that AAW are very jealous. I had a girl who I was interested in the past but wasn't in to me verbally attack my white girlfriend for no reason. Claiming she was taking "their men" when in reality she wasn't even interested in me."

"As a black man, I find that this article kind of suggests that black men are moving away from black women. This is not true. I think black women have taken black men for granted, while white women have a certain sweet way of dealing with black men (more softer). This may not be true for all, but it seems to be the case with many black men. Many of my black friends say they are not well appreciated by black women."

I found the comments more telling than the article! Black women, don't get mad, LISTEN. Just stop and listen to what is being said about you and then I challenge you to show the world that this is NOT who you are.This includes myself. I spent one year where I did not date outside of my race and I did nothing but search for a black man to date. Black men did not want to date me! Predominantly I heard that I was too confrontational. What I didn't understand is why did the white men never say that? A Caucasian friend finally knocked sense into my head by asking me why I was trying to date to prove a point instead of trying to find true love. 


So guess what? I went back to dating for love and not for color. Anyways, I'm a proponent for interracial dating not a hater of black men. I suppose this is what annoys me so much. Who cares about color? I say stop worrying about why so and so is dating so and so and work on yourself...like I'm doing.


What do you think?

A Blues for Nina

Sometimes...

Vampiric Charms chapter 14 now posted

Chapter 14

Seconds of Pleasure

Lord Don't Let It...