Caught in the crowd

My daughter came into my room a few minutes ago and said, " Mom, I just saw this video and I think you would like it.  It reminds me of something you told me."  She proceeded to describe the song.


It was a bout a boy that was so shy that he kept his head down. He wore his long hair covering his face and his shoulders slouched. One day he went up to a girl that he liked and mumbled something or other. The only thing she could make out was the last word which was his name; James. She reached out and shook his hand and she and James became friends. 


James would get bullied and one day some boys were taunting him and calling him a freak and saying that he didn't have any friends. He told them he did have one friend and he looked around and saw her and he said, KATIE!


But Katie just turned around and slunk away.


So I held up my hand to stop her from telling me the rest of the story--I refused to believed that she was such a bitch to him. I searched for the video and watched it for myself feeling very emotional.  I was praying that she would have made it up to James.  I put the video here for you to watch. 

Caught in the Crowd by Kate Miller-Heidke.

I had tears in my eyes when I watched this. The reason my daughter shared the video with me is because I had told her a story of one of my biggest regrets. I've mentioned this on blog before, that when I was a child I lived in the projects. For those that don't know the term it's the ghetto; an economically depressed area. 


Back then being a latchkey kid at the age of five or six was no big deal. My mother had to pick my sister up from daycare at the same time I got out of elementary, so many times I would have to walk home. In my neighborhood you...just had to be careful. 

On the way home there was a building where a little girl my age had been murdered and her body had been found there. I would literally feel the essence of that child as I walked by. I don't know how but I could see her lying there so vividly and my body would be so filled with terror that I couldn't even breathe until I had sprinted past it and then I could breath again. 


Well there was a little boy in my class that lived near me. I knew he liked me, he used to look at me all of the time. But I was super shy and I didn't like him in that way. But he started talking to me and walking me home. Soon I would wait for him and we would walk together. And I discovered that he walked me clear up to the top of the hill even though we would pass where he lived. 

When I walked with this boy I wasn't scared anymore, and I didn't fear that some maniac would leap out and snatch me or the bad kids in the neighborhood would harass me. I felt real safe and comfortable with him walking me home.


One day my friends started making fun of me and saying that the boy was my boyfriend and I yelled, "He's not my boyfriend, I don't even like him!"  And then I turned and there he was watching me. I felt so ashamed but I didn't apologize or take back my words. After school that day I looked for him but he wasn't there waiting for me. He avoided me and I never saw him again.


To this day I have been so ashamed that I hurt that kid. I just want to say, little boy, whoever you were, I am so sorry I rejected you! Even though I was only six years old, I have never forgotten that look of hurt in your eyes.


I feel a little better.