Author Pepper Pace's Writing Feedback Blog

I just finished reading an article written by Ralph Richard Banks for the Wall Street Journal, entitled An Interracial Fix for Black Marriages. (link included). The author states that it is difficult to find black men of 'marriage quality' for the nearly 70% of the unmarried black females across the nation. The author readily states that the number crosses all socio-economic groups and that less than 50% of black women will consider dating outside of her race. However, what I found most amazing is that according to online dating sites, black women are the partners least desired by non black men but are more desired by ethnic men other than black men. Hmmm, interesting. Especially when the author states;

"Black women who do marry often end up with black men who are less accomplished than they are. They are more likely than any other group of women to earn more than their husbands. More than half of college-educated black wives are better educated than their husbands."

The stats are alarming. There are approximately 125,000 African American women to approximately 58,000 African American men.

"Because black men are in short supply, their options are better than those of black women. A desirable black man who ends a relationship with one woman will find many others waiting; that's not so for black women.

If many black women remain unmarried because they think they have too few options, some black men stay single because they think they have so many. The same numbers imbalance that makes life difficult for black women may be a source of power for black men. Why cash in, they reason, when it is so easy to continue to play?"

The article proposes a remedy.

"By opening themselves to relationships with men of other races, black women would also lessen the power disparity that depresses the African-American marriage rate. As more black women expanded their options, black women as a group would have more leverage with black men. Even black women who remained unwilling to love across the color line would benefit from other black women's willingness to do so.

It's hard to resist the paradoxical possibility that, if more black women married non-black men, then more black men and women might, in time, marry each other."

I'm not sure why this article annoyed me as much as it does. The author is an African American man and thinks that most black women aren't married to black men because they are not up to par or because black men are just players. Really? Does the author not account for personal preference? Honestly, his thinking is the way a lot of the non-white men that I've been involved with think. But here is the truth as I see it:

It's black men that don't choose black women.

I read a lot of the comments and they seemed to confirm my thoughts as many black men described what they hated about black women. Yeah...hated. It's sad to hear successful black men state that they can't get with AAW (African American Women) because we don't know how to act.

Yeah, these are generalizations because all bigotry is based on that--but so are truths.

"...drama is a daily part of my life as I shop or eat where I can support black business. Most of the clerks are AAW. The coldness and crude behavior from them as well as most black women makes me wonder sometimes if I've wronged them in their past. I consider myself responsible and financially secure. I'm without a criminal record, volunteer for various organizations and most important to me, I raised my daughter alone. Not trying to toot my own horn, but it seems to me that a black man is the last thing AAW want to see coming. Unless you bling, got a football or basketball contract, as a black man AAW attitudes tell me to keep steppin'. I'm not a perfect man, no one is and I'm not a ten, but certainly I can get up to an 7 and possibly 8 and three more quarters on a good day. Which brings me to this, I've chatted with Filipino's, Latino's, and other ethnics with favorable results and nice conversations. Read into to that what you want."

"As a young 29 year old educated black man working for a large corporation in San Francisco I can vouch for what you said. Black women were my preference for many years but finding one with a nice personality, attractive, and not a single mother was nearly impossible. The ones who did fit that discription weren't looking for me even thought I've never had any problem meeting women of every race you can think of. I can also tell you that AAW are very jealous. I had a girl who I was interested in the past but wasn't in to me verbally attack my white girlfriend for no reason. Claiming she was taking "their men" when in reality she wasn't even interested in me."

"As a black man, I find that this article kind of suggests that black men are moving away from black women. This is not true. I think black women have taken black men for granted, while white women have a certain sweet way of dealing with black men (more softer). This may not be true for all, but it seems to be the case with many black men. Many of my black friends say they are not well appreciated by black women."

I found the comments more telling than the article! Black women, don't get mad, LISTEN. Just stop and listen to what is being said about you and then I challenge you to show the world that this is NOT who you are.This includes myself. I spent one year where I did not date outside of my race and I did nothing but search for a black man to date. Black men did not want to date me! Predominantly I heard that I was too confrontational. What I didn't understand is why did the white men never say that? A Caucasian friend finally knocked sense into my head by asking me why I was trying to date to prove a point instead of trying to find true love.

So guess what? I went back to dating for love and not for color. Anyways, I'm a proponent for interracial dating not a hater of black men. I suppose this is what annoys me so much. Who cares about color? I say stop worrying about why so and so is dating so and so and work on yourself...like I'm doing.

What do you think?